how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
