shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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