he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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