Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
