she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
