I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
