she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
