I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I want a musical about memes.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
