Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
