y did u give ur computer a hand job?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
