Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
