i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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