Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I need a beard to bite.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
