I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize