I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
