im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
