is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
