I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
