No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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