if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
This house was built for laser tag.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
