OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
