I can text with my tongue
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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