And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize