He disabled his match.com account in front of me
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
