i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
