this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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