I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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