this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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