Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
