The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
