i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
