what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm at about main and main street
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
