I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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