Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize