yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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