How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize