i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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