How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
