There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Congratulations! We have a period
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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