My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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