dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
