i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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