fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
