Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
