sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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