I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
