The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize