omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
