I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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