i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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