My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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