yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
