you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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