If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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