I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize