This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
