whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
