Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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