remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Your penis caused this!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
