I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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