I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
