Already got asked if we're dating
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Randomize
