u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
