I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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