I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
