It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
