Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
