I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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