It's Friday. Sex?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
