the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
