i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
