There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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