My cat gives me a boner
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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