I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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