you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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