lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
