So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
