i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
