i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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