dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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