areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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