Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
did you just send me my own nude
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
