It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
