meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
