I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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