i jhust puked up my retainher.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize