What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
