We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
