Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I could make wine with my vomit
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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