I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
