She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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