Your face is a jimmy john
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
