So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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