Grow some girl-balls and come out already
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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