wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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