Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
