he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
