May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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