Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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