we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
