You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
