Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
