R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
